Romance the woodsman way (a step by step guide of the previous evening with my wonderful wife Valerie)

Or: how do I women (I don't know son, I don't know.)


                                     heres a picture from last years Hot shots calendar

                             I wish this was my wife.

STEP ONE. Wool blankets and a lady friend in sexy lingerie 

 

STEP TWO. fire.

STEP THREE. Wine that you grew the grapes for.

STEP FOUR. Wrap lady friend in blanket, place infront of fire, apply wine.

STEP FIVE. [REDACTED]

STEP SIX. Have sex like she's a bar wench and you're a wild stallyin

Profit.

Atleast that's basically how it went, it just took a hour and a half to get to the good part. Also it helps if said lady friend is horny as a toad and probably thinks about sex more than you do and isn't afraid to talk about fetishes while watching tv and browsing imgur 

And that's why I love my wife (Among other things)

Gun techno babble will probably come next

XBAWKS HUEG TEXT FOR THE IMPARED (me)